If you read my ranty post about Christmas, it won’t surprise you to read that I hate New Year too. In my defence, I don’t hate Christmas; Christmas is great, there’s just a lot of things that annoy me about it. New Year doesn’t annoy me, I just hate how it makes me feel.
It makes me feel a bit sad and even when I used to be fun and go out it, always felt like a bit of an anti-climax. I don’t know whether it’s because I don’t drink and it’s the kind of thing that is better if you do drink or what. Just so we’re clear, I usually feel quite strongly about people thinking you can only enjoy going out if you drink. Or you can’t go to a pub or a bar if you don’t drink. You’re still allowed to drink liquid if you are tee-total and places that sell alcohol also sell drinks without alcohol. Also, you can have fun and enjoy yourself without alcohol. I know. It’s a shock but it’s true.
Anyway, I’m not here to preach about drinking, you drink if you want to, I’m cool, rocking out over here with my Irn Bru.
So New Year, I don’t know if it’s how my negative brain works but it feels like a really dark time to me. Another year has finished and as I get older they seem to be racing by faster and faster…although at times 2020 felt like it was going very slowly indeed! It makes me feel a bit anxious, like there are so many expectations of the year ahead and like I’ve failed a bit in the year gone by.
Maybe I’m overthinking it.
That’s likely. I’m a big fan of an overthink.
Anyway, here we are at the end of 2020 and despite my dislike of New Year I’m pretty glad to see the back of this one. I don't think I'm alone feeling like that.
My year started in a pretty dark place being made redundant from a job I loved and a company I loved at the worst time of the year to be looking for a job. Turned out that wasn’t the worst time… the worst time is during a global pandemic when you’re a recruiter but nobody is recruiting so they don’t need recruiters!
Then I got a new job which was great, then I got pneumonia which was less great. By this time that cheeky Little Germ (as my children call it), Covid-19 had hit and I learned a new word….furlough. Tell me something, was ‘furlough’ a word before? Did we just make it up this year? I had literally never heard it before. If we did make it up then how on earth did they think of that? What a weird word to choose. It makes me think of horses. I think I’m thinking of furlong, that’s a horse thing, right?
Wow I’m rambly today.
Anyway then I was redundant again which was when I found out that looking for a job around Christmas isn’t actually as bad as I thought. Give me job hunting at Christmas over job hunting along with the rest of the country who have also just lost their jobs, while nobody is recruiting because the world has gone mad and nobody knows what’s going on, any day of the week. Terrible times.
So a lot of horrible, scary, upsetting stuff has happened this year but actually a lot of brilliant stuff has also happened. Here’s a little run down of the good things in no particular order:
1. I got to spend a lot of time with my children, Chad Logan and Brad Logan. All of my grown up life I have worked full time and when I had children I had to continue to work full time to support our lavish lifestyle (this is funny because it’s such a lie. We’re so not lavish, it’s just expensive being alive). I’ve always felt sad about that. I went back to work when Chad Logan was 5 months old and while he didn’t suffer in the slightest because he spent lots of time with Mr D and his grandparents while I was at work, I felt like I missed out on a lot. I think we’ve more than made up for that ‘lost’ time this year. In fact now I’m sick of the sight of him (not really…although sometimes…no not really…I think).
2. I’ve done a lot of knitting and crochet and managed to raise some money for the Royal Berkshire Hospital Trust doing it too. This isn’t me blowing my own knitted trumpet, it’s a thank you to all of you who donated and raised the money for me! You are amazing.
3. I started running. Yes, that’s right….running…I know I don’t talk about it much but I run now. This is the biggest miracle of the whole year, if not my whole life.
4. I lost a stone (and have put more than that back on in mince pies alone over the past couple of weeks).
5. I almost completed Netflix.
6. I’ve spent hardly any money on petrol.
7. I got a really good job that I’m enjoying so much working for a brilliant company who so far seem to think I’m marvellous (shhh let’s not tell them I’m not just yet)
8. I started this Self Indulgent Thingamibobber which I enjoy writing and I think some people like to read. I’ve not had anyone tell me to stop yet so that’s good I guess.
9. So far my family and friends have stayed as well as they can and generally appear to be Little Germ free.
10. I got Serial Killer Top Trumps for Christmas.
So while I’m pleased that 2020 is about to do one it really wasn’t all that bad for me on balance. The past me who spent a lot of time sobbing about being unemployed this year may disagree but rose tinted spectacled me who knows it's turned out not to bad is feeling pretty content.
I do appreciate that other people have had the most hideous year and it has been so hard but let's cling on to the little things that have been good. I also think I need to take lessons from my children in resilience and adapting. They have been so brilliant at just getting on with things this year. Brad Logan has only just turned 4 so he doesn’t really know any different but Chad Logan is 9 and he knows this isn’t how life is supposed to be. He’s just got on with it though. Obviously he’s done his fair share of moaning about things and would always rather be playing Roblox but on the whole he’s just been great and I feel very fortunate to be the proud owner of such (mostly) marvellous boys.
I feel like in the future everyone will have their own story of 2020 a bit like “Where you when you found out Princess Diana had died?”,”Where were you when 9/11 happened?”, “What happened that day it snowed really badly and everything around here just stopped working?”. In case you are interested, I was in my kitchen at home getting ready to go and do my awful checkout job in Waitrose when I heard about Princess Diana. I was in Newquay with Mr D eating a toasted cheese and ham sandwich in a café when I heard about 9/11. The day it snowed and everything stopped I had to walk home from near Junction 11 of the M4 feeling pleased that I was a Dr Marten rather than a stiletto wearer. Mr D came and met me halfway and we bought chips from the chippie and sat at a bus stop to eat them. I'll be “Oh yes, let me tell you about 2020, it all started when they made the wrong decision and made me redundant…”. Everyone will have their own unique little story about how their lives have been impacted this year.
So what will 2021 bring us? I think 2020 has shown us that there’s no way we can predict what will happen so we just need to wait and see. We certainly need to expect the unexpected. Anyone for a plague of locusts? I never thought we would be locked down in the first place never mind still under such strict measures at the end of the year but here we are. At least 2021 doesn't have much to live up to. Even if it's mediocre it'll be better than 2020.
So whatever you are doing this evening, have fun and be careful. I wish you all a very happy New Year staying safe and well...every single one of you...apart from you, Little Germ. I hope your New Year sucks.